I heard from my mom today! I had gotten a few calls from numbers I didn't know so I just let them leave messages. One was from my mom telling me that she was staying at a shelter but would be going to the hospital. She called me again later from another number but at the time I was getting my ass kicked thoroughly as I'd sold a ton of food tonight and I had to keep it coming. She told me that she was checked in at a clinic that's pretty well known all around my area..especially where I had come from. They do a lot of services but most of their accommodations are of the "no belts or shoelaces" type if you get what I mean.

This will hopefully help alleviate my biggest fear...that she'll just 'let go'. But they have counceling and a lot of support there. She gave me the number I need to call and ask for her and they give you a PIN that the patient gives you so that they know that you are, in fact, allowed/supposed to be able to talk with them. I was afraid that it was too late when I got off of work so I will call her in the morning and see how she is doing and to see if she has any idea how long she will be there. It may not be ideal but once we have the couch in here I would like to try to put her up for a little while or something so she has many less restrictions that she would at the shelter and she'd be surrounded by people that personally care for her. And I think she needs me around. Unfortunately my schedule sucks horribly to get around to other places that she might stay. It would atleast give her a place to stay until she could make other arrangements. And any other option would take atleast half of her disability but if she could just put some money in it could help us make some ends meet that just aren't connecting currently. I won't get too far ahead of myself because I haven't been able to discuss it with my roommates but it feels right to make her the offer. She's done so much for me over the years and I can't just leave her out there alone and at the mercy of people who 'care' just because she has to pay them an inordinate amount of money. I just gotta do something.

Aside from that...I am once again completely exhausted from work. The heat was even higher today..as was the humidity and that makes the CFS (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) effects that much worse. I was excrutiatingly hot and uncomfortable in my room after work and I knew that I just had to put my AC unit it. I ended up not using the support that I had paid $30+tax for but I may end up using it but it seems to be in just fine how I have it. I will have to seal it better when I can get to the store and buy some sealing foam strips for it. But my room feels soooo much better and the fan is not actually doing me some good! Even with the fan on high I'd slept crappily due to the heat and humidity in the room. My one window faces a side of the house where the breezes outside do not go so it is so uncomfortable in here. As soon as Jenn can get an AC unit..which I will gladly pick up for her and install as well...we can all be more comfortable. Chad hasn't been too bad in his room with just his fan...but he can sleep in here when it is uncomfortable. We're all facing way too much shit when we're awake to sleep miserably. I think that this may help a bit with my fatigue problems. Not a whole lot. But atleast when I am sweating nearly to death and getting my ass kicked at work I can look forward to more comfort at home.

I am off all day today due to our show that we're playing. We greatly appreciate the well wishes as far as the show goes. I know that I will be indefinitely exhausted after the show. But then I should have only two more days of work on Thursday and Friday before I can relax more on Saturday. There will be stuff to do around the apartment to get it closer to arranged but I will take every second to relax that I can. The Fall can't come soon enough...temperature wise.

I found out today that I should be cleared for a quarter raise. Pardon my language but FUCK that. I've worked way too hard doing three people's jobs and working two people's hours to keep the store running with everything that's gone on there. And the raise will put me only up to what I should be earning as the Safety Manager. The problem is that raises are not merit based as I had been lead to believe all along. Paul and Charlotte thanked me for my hard, hard work all these months and said that I should get a really good raise from it. Wrong. Unfortunately raises are not merit based...they are sales based. And not my personal sales..but the sales for the store which are below where they should be. Chad and I had prayed that they'd realized that without our hard work (and that of two other employees) the store wouldn't be running at all. And what do we get from it? Nothing. Nothing at all. Apparently they could have given me only a ten cent raise. Fuck that too! You hear me? Fuck you corporation. To have no energy to get stuff done outside of work and still not be able to pay for anything that we need to..just isn't worth it. And it was meant to be a job of convenience that would allow us to get off of work with notice when we need to for shows. But more and more hours are dumped upon us and our schedules are more eratic and unknown than any other job that I can think of. We basically on call 24-7. Asked to work doubles...only 2 hours before our shift starts or right as our shift starts. Trust me...our overtime pay just doesn't cut it.

I am most definitely going to be seeking something else. And if I put up with the stresses and pressures that I do with this current job, you can sure as hell bet that I will be appropriately compensated for it.

Well that's about it for now. Gotta eat something cuz I am starved and then sleep because I've got a lot to do tomorrow. But we hope to have video (and will have a ton of pictures) to post sometime around the weekend that we'll love to share with you. Wish us luck please. Thank you. And as soon as I feel that I can properly read all of your entries and comment without my mind being overly tainted with exhaustion I will most definitely return the favor. We've had to give up way too much important stuff just for the company to gain. No more whipping boys.

Goodnight my fine friends. You are most definitely all very, very important to me and help me through these tough times.

Much love.

of course she can stay here, hun. there will be a few things to work out, but it's not a problem really.

hey, maybe someday soon we can go to home depot or somewhere to get me an ac? i havent had a normal blood sugar since we moved here....

and yay! we're gettin closer to less of a pile!
» invisibleinkling on 2007-07-11 12:33:00

I hope things work out for your mom. I'm sure the whole situation is still so surreal for her.

Find a better job...but I know how hard that is to job hunt, so I don't blame you.
» lazypuppy on 2007-07-11 12:48:27

you deserve a better job for all the crap they put you through.

I really hope things work out with your mom, i bet that she is still reeling from this whole experience. I hope that she comes through everything OK in time.
» pyrogrrl12 on 2007-07-15 11:01:14

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